Dreamchaser: 七月 2009

2009年7月31日星期五

Letter to God

There was a man who worked for the Post Office, whose job is to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
one day, a letter came addressed in a shaky hand writing to God with no actual address or postcode. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

The Letter read :

Dear God.

I am 83 year old. living on a small pension.
Yesterday some one stole my purse. It had $100 in it. Which was all the money I had until my next pension payment.

Next Sunday is my birthday, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with.
I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope.

Please help me ?

Sincerely.
Edna

The postal worker was touched. he showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollar. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $ 96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.

The rest of the day, all the worker felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

A few days later, another letter came addressed to God and in the same hand.
All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read :

Dear God.

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me ?

Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.

By the way, there was $ 4 missing. I think it might have been those bastards at the Post Office.

Sincerely.
Edna.

Pope

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the Limo, and he doesn't travel light, the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.
" Excuse me, Your Holiness. " says the driver. "Would you please take your seat so we can leave ? "
" Well, to tell you the truth ." says the Pope. " They never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today."
" I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job."
" And what if something should happen ? " protests the driver, wishing he'd. never gone to work that morning.
" There might be something extra in it for you. " says the Pope.
Reluctantly, the driver get in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel.
The driver quickly regrets his decision when after exiting the Air Port. The pontiff floors it accelerating the Limo to 105 mph.
" Please slow down, Your Holiness !!! " pleads the worried driver.
pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
" Oh my God, I'm gonna lose my licence. " moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle and get on the radio.
" I need to talk to the Chief, " he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief get on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a Limo going a hundred and five.
" So bust him, " says the Chief.
" I don't think we want to do that - he's really important. " said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed, " All the more reason ! "
" No, I mean really important, " said the cop.
The Chief then asked, " Who have you got there, the Mayor ? "
Cop : " Bigger."
Chief : " Governor ?"
Cop : " Bigger."
" Well. " said the Chief, " Who is it ?"
Cop : " I think it's God !"
Chief : " What makes you think it's God ?"

---------- keep going -----------

Cop : " He's got the Pope as a chauffeur !"

Deaths That Made Even Top Doctors wonder

Deaths that made even top Doctors wonder.
This case happened in a Delhi Hospital Intensive care ward.
Where Patients always died in the same bad.
And All on Sunday morning at 11 a.m.
Regardless of their medical condition.
This puzzled the Doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural.
No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 a.m. every Sunday.
So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incident.
So on the next Sunday morning a few minutes before 11 a.m.
All the Doctors and Nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.
Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off Evil...............

Just when the Clock struck 11.............

and then .......................................

Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward, unplugged the life support system & plugged in the vacuum cleaner !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009年7月30日星期四

How the Chinese stay put in west country

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Chinese had to leave west country. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Chinese community.
So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Chinese community. If the Chinese win, they could stay. If the Pope wins, the Chinese would leave.
The Chinese realized that they had no other choice. so they picked a middle-aged man Ah Pek to represent them.
Ah Pek asked for one condition to be added to the debate. " neither side would be allowed to talk."
The Pope agreed. the day of the great debate came. Ah pek and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute.
Than the Pope raised his hand and showed three finger. Ah Pek looked back at him and raised one finger. The pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Ah Pek pointed to the ground at where he sat. The Pope pulled out a loaf and a glass of wine. Ah Pek pull out an apple.
The Pope stood up and said: " I give up. This man is too good. The Chinese can stay."
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened ? The Pope said, " first I held up three fingers to represent the holy trinity. he responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions."
" Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us."
" I pulled out the wine and loaf to show that God absolves all sin. He showed me an apple to remind us of the original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do ?"
Meanwhile, the Chinese community had crowded around Ah Pek. " What happened ?' they asked.
" well," said Ah Pek, " First he indicated to me that all Chinese had 3 days to get out of here. I replied to him go off and not one of us was leaving. "
" Then he pointed that this whole city would be cleared of Chinese. I showed him that we are staying right here. "
" Yes, and than ???" ask the crowd. " I don't know." said Ah Pek. " He took out his lunch, I took out mine. "

If You Are Unhappy

Once upon a time, there was a nonconforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter.
However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south.
In a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in barnyard, almost frozen.
a cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end. But, the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings.
Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing.
Just then a large cat came by and hearing the chirping, investigated the sound.
The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird and promptly ate him.
The Moral of the story:
1. Everyone who shit on you is not necessarily your enemy.
2. Everyone who gets you out of the shit is not necessarily your friend.
3. And, if you're warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut.

A Fable For Secretaries

When the body was first made, all parts wanted to be BOSS.
The BRAIN said, "Since I control everything and do all the thinking, I should be BOSS."
The FEET said, "Since I carry man where he wants to go, and get him in position to do what the Brain wants, I should be BOSS."
The HANDS said, "Since I must do all the work and earn all the money to keep the rest of you going, I should be BOSS."
And so it went with the HEART, the EARS, the LUNGS, etc.
And finally the ARSEHOLE spoke up and demanded to be the BOSS. All the other parts laughed and laughed at the idea of an ARSEHOLE being BOSS.
The ARSEHOLE was so angered that he blosked himself off and refused function. Soon the BRAIN was feverish, the EYES crossed and aching. The FEET were too weak to walk; the HANDS hung limply at the sides; the HEART and LUNGS struggled to keep going.
All pleased with the BRAIN to relent and let the ARSEHOLE be BOSS. And so it happened. All the other parts did all the work, and the ARSEHOLE just bossed and passed out a lot of shit.
The Moral of the story :
You don't have to be a BRAIN to be a BOSS, just an ARSEHOLE.

2009年7月29日星期三

Office Humour ( To Share )

Before you ask me for a day off, consider the following statistics.

There are 365 days in the year.
You sleep 8 hours a day making 122 days, which subtracted from 365 days makes 243 days.
You also have 8 hours recreation every day, making another 122 days and leaves a balance of 121 days.
There are 52 Sundays that you do not work at all, which leaves 69 days.
You get Saturday afternoon off, this gives 52 half days, or 26 more days that you do not work, this leaves a balance of 43 days.
You get an hour off for lunch, which when totaled makes 16 days, leaving 27 days of the year.
You get at least 21 days annual leave every year, so that leaves 6 days.
You get 5 legal holidays during the year, which leaves only 1 days.

And I'll be dammed if I'll give you that 1 day off !!!!!!!!!!!

2009年7月28日星期二

Heavy Rain fall In Malacca

On 27 July 2009. From 9 am to 1130 am Very heavy rain fall in Malacca town. This photo show Malacca River over flow to one of the low cost housing estate at time 1130 pm same day. photo to share.

2009年7月16日星期四

引道歌

为求糊口走西东
获得理明胜富翁
若晓生死同一路
逍遥自在乐无穷
为人容易做人难
再要为人恐更难
欲生福地无难处
口与心同却是难
逐利贪名满世间
不如破衲道人闲
笼鸡有食汤锅近
野鹤无粮天地宽
富贵百年难保守
轮回六道易循环
劝君觅早修行路
一失人身万劫难

2009年7月15日星期三

叹世万空歌

南来北往走西东
看得浮生总是空
天也空来地也空
人生渺渺在其中
天地万古常如旧
人生劳碌一场空
日也空来月也空
来来往往有何踪
日月晨昏常转运
人亡百载影无踪
山也空来水也空
山水长在世界中
青山绿水依然在
人亡永世不相逢
田也空来业也空
换了多少主人翁
世间多少穷了富
也有多少富了穷
金也空来银也空
死后何曾在手中
万两黄金拿不去
为它一世受牢笼
生也空来死也空
大限来时各西东
夫妻本是同林鸟
你往西来我往东
男也空来女也空
黄泉路上不相逢
田园产业儿孙受
阴司罪衍自承当
空手来时空手去
到头总是一场空
夜深听到三更鼓
翻身不觉五更钟
从头仔细思量起
便是南柯一梦中

2009年7月11日星期六

Kellies Castle Ipoh

Kellies 古堡，怡保。

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