小心行动管制

Dah masuk PKP berapa hari.
Saya dan Isteri saya pergi ke Hypermarkets Beli keperluan.
Sudah tentu, Kami memakai penutup muka dan mulut agar selamat.
Ketika kami sampai di sana, ramainyaa orang, menakutkan!
Saya memutuskan, dan saya menarik isteri saya pulang ke rumah
kerana kami mungkin juga terjangkit COVID 19 di sana.
Tetapi, Isteri saya dia berkeras dan tidak mahu balik !!!
Ya Ampun. Saya terus menyeretnya ke kereta.
Di dalam kereta, Dia tidak menghiraukan saya dan marah.
Apabila kami sampai di rumah,
Kami membuka topeng muka.
Rupa rupa nya dia bukan isteri saya.
Hati hati PKP ini.

已经进入行动管制令好多天了。
我的太太和我一起到超级市场买日需品。
当然我们是戴着面罩和口罩保护我们自己的安全才去。
到了那里，哇赛！好怕人，太多太多人了。
我决定不买了，拉着我的太太的手回家。
我害怕，如果停留在那地方太久，很可能会传染到 COVID 19。
不知道为什么，我的太太一直在甩开我的手，不要跟我回家。
原谅我，只有强拉她进入我的车里。
回家的途中，她在车里一直的骂，我也只好装作听不见。
当我们回到了家门口。
脱掉了面罩和口罩。
我的天啊，她不是我的老婆。

哈哈。
在行动管制之下，真的要小心。

Hantar Newspaper saja

Kandasamy was on his death bed, when he ask the nurse to be a witness to his will. His wife and two sons were at his side.

So, He told them.

" Lingam, You will take over all the houses in Jalan Duta area."

" Saraswathy, I will give you all the apartments in Kota Damansara place."

" Jega, I want you to take all the offices in KL Central Area."

" Letchumany, My dear wife, Please take over all the residential buildings near our house."

The nurse was so amazed, and after Kandasamy passed away.
She said to his wife, " Madam, your husband must have very successful to have accumulated all this properties ! Wow, Not easy. "

Letchumany replied, " No lah, Itu tempat dia hantar Newspaper saja."

抗疫 笑不出的笑话

抗疫
最重要就是戴口罩
所以走进便利店
想买口罩

问帅哥店员
帅哥
我想买口罩

戴着口罩的帅哥店员回答
六毛一个
你有肺炎没有

我回应
没有

那戴着口罩的帅哥店员又再问
那你的家人有肺炎吗

我有点生气了
大声的说
我没有肺炎
我家人也没有

那戴着口罩的帅哥店员
看到我好像生气了
有点不知所措
他拉下他的口罩说
先生
我不知道你生气什么
我只是想问
你和你的家人
是不是这里的 ~~~ 会员

真是的
戴了口罩
什么都听不清楚
什么都说不清楚
在所有人都在抗疫期间
却走出这则笑不出的笑话

有钱

和一个马来朋友喝茶
谈起为什么华人和印度人
都比马来人有钱
他说他知道其中的原因

因为华人有些是姓 Ong 的 （ 黄 ）
当朋友看到他的时候都会喊
Ong Mari
Ong Mari（旺来 ）
华人旺了当然有钱

印度人也一样
他们很多人名字都叫 Manikam 的
每天早上我们看到他
都会喊 Money Come
Money Come（ 钱来了）
钱来了
印度人当然也有钱

只有马来人
找不到有人
有这样的名字
所以怎样会有钱

卖椅子的广告

今天早上，从报章上看到有这样一段广告，大意是这样说，如果你一次过向本公司投资两百元 ，本公司担保你一生一世人没有烦恼，而且还可以舒舒服服的坐在家里享受你的大餐。

结果我被这段广告吸引了，我带着欢乐的心去了这家公司，一看。。。。
。
。
。
。
。
。
。
。
他妈的，这王八蛋是卖椅子的。

马来话

有一个老伯到柜台去更新路税。

老伯 ：Wa mahu li new lo tax.   (   我要更新路税  )

马来妹 ：Apa number kereta ?   (   你的车牌号码  )

老伯 ：Biji u dua dua nam pak.   (  你的两粒看到了  )

马来妹拉高衣服整理一下再问 ：Cepat cakap apa nombor ?    (    快点说你的车牌号码  )

老伯 ：Wa suda cakap,    (   我已经讲了  )
             Biji u dua dua nam pak.    (  你的两粒看到了  )

马来妹 ：Apek manyak gatai, ..... Gila apek    (   神经病，老伯你太咸湿了  )

老伯一头雾水，之后拿起笔写他的车牌号码。
原来是 BGU 2264
老伯的马来话让人误解太咸湿了。

不会肥的方法

告诉你们一个秘密，你们怎样吃都不会肥的方法。那就是你们在吃的时候，一定要一个人自己吃，千万千万不要分给别人吃，这样你们怎样吃都肯定你们不会肥。因为~~ 独吃难肥，你们没有听说过吗？

The New Albert Einstein Theory

Equations !

Equations 1
Human = eat + sleep+ work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep
There for
Human = donkey + work + enjoy
There for
Human - enjoy = donkey + work
In other words.
A Human that doesn't know how to enjoy = Donkey that work

Equations 2
Man = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkey = eat + sleep
There for
Man = Donkey + earn money
There for
Man - earn money = Donkey
In other words.
Man who doesn't earn money = Donkey

Equations 3
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkey = eat + sleep
There for
Women = donkey + spend
Women - spend = Donkey
In other words
Women who doesn't spend = Donkey

To Conclude :
From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Man doesn't earn money = Women who doesn't spend

So Man earns money not to let Women become a Donkey.
And a Women spends not to let man become a Donkey.

So, We have :
Man + Women = Donkey + earn money + Donkey + spend mpney
There for
From Postulates 1 and Postulates 2, We can conclude
Man + Women = 2 Donkeys that live happily together !

Losing all your friends

Man comes home and find his wife with his friends in bed.
He shoot his friend and kill him.
Wife says, " If you behave like this, you will lose All your friends. "

Brother wanted

A small boy wrote to Santa Claus, " send me a brother "..........
Santa wrote back, " SEND ME YOUR MOTHER "..........

Meaning of WIFE

Husband asks, " Do you know the meaning of WIFE ? It means 'Without Information Fighting Every time !' "
Wife replies, " No, it means ' With Idiot For Ever !!!' "

Importance of a period

Teacher : " Do you know the importance of a period ? "
Kid : " Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack and our driver ran away. "

Confident vs Confidential

A young boy asks his Dad, " What is the difference between confident and confidential ? "
Dad says, " You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that confidential ! "

Anger management

Husband : " When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger ? "
Wife : " I clean the toilet."
Husband : " How does that help ?"
Wife : " I use your toothbrush. "

Letter to God

There was a man who worked for the Post Office, whose job is to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
one day, a letter came addressed in a shaky hand writing to God with no actual address or postcode. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

The Letter read :

Dear God.

I am 83 year old. living on a small pension.
Yesterday some one stole my purse. It had $100 in it. Which was all the money I had until my next pension payment.

Next Sunday is my birthday, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with.
I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope.

Please help me ?

Sincerely.
Edna


The postal worker was touched. he showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollar. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $ 96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.

The rest of the day, all the worker felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

A few days later, another letter came addressed to God and in the same hand.
All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read :

Dear God.

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me ?

Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.

By the way, there was $ 4 missing. I think it might have been those bastards at the Post Office.

Sincerely.
Edna.

Pope

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the Limo, and he doesn't travel light, the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.
" Excuse me, Your Holiness. " says the driver. "Would you please take your seat so we can leave ? "
" Well, to tell you the truth ." says the Pope. " They never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today."
" I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job."
" And what if something should happen ? " protests the driver, wishing he'd. never gone to work that morning.
" There might be something extra in it for you. " says the Pope.
Reluctantly, the driver get in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel.
The driver quickly regrets his decision when after exiting the Air Port. The pontiff floors it accelerating the Limo to 105 mph.
" Please slow down, Your Holiness !!! " pleads the worried driver.
pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
" Oh my God, I'm gonna lose my licence. " moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle and get on the radio.
" I need to talk to the Chief, " he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief get on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a Limo going a hundred and five.
" So bust him, " says the Chief.
" I don't think we want to do that - he's really important. " said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed, " All the more reason ! "
" No, I mean really important, " said the cop.
The Chief then asked, " Who have you got there, the Mayor ? "
Cop : " Bigger."
Chief : " Governor ?"
Cop : " Bigger."
" Well. " said the Chief, " Who is it ?"
Cop : " I think it's God !"
Chief : " What makes you think it's God ?"

---------- keep going -----------

Cop : " He's got the Pope as a chauffeur !"

Deaths That Made Even Top Doctors wonder

Deaths that made even top Doctors wonder.
This case happened in a Delhi Hospital Intensive care ward.
Where Patients always died in the same bad.
And All on Sunday morning at 11 a.m.
Regardless of their medical condition.
This puzzled the Doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural.
No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths took place at 11 a.m. every Sunday.
So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decided to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incident.
So on the next Sunday morning a few minutes before 11 a.m.
All the Doctors and Nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.
Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off Evil...............

Just when the Clock struck 11.............

and then .......................................


Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward, unplugged the life support system & plugged in the vacuum cleaner !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How the Chinese stay put in west country

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Chinese had to leave west country. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Chinese community.
So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Chinese community. If the Chinese win, they could stay. If the Pope wins, the Chinese would leave.
The Chinese realized that they had no other choice. so they picked a middle-aged man Ah Pek to represent them.
Ah Pek asked for one condition to be added to the debate. " neither side would be allowed to talk."
The Pope agreed. the day of the great debate came. Ah pek and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute.
Than the Pope raised his hand and showed three finger. Ah Pek looked back at him and raised one finger. The pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Ah Pek pointed to the ground at where he sat. The Pope pulled out a loaf and a glass of wine. Ah Pek pull out an apple.
The Pope stood up and said: " I give up. This man is too good. The Chinese can stay."
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened ? The Pope said, " first I held up three fingers to represent the holy trinity. he responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions."
" Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us."
" I pulled out the wine and loaf to show that God absolves all sin. He showed me an apple to remind us of the original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do ?"
Meanwhile, the Chinese community had crowded around Ah Pek. " What happened ?' they asked.
" well," said Ah Pek, " First he indicated to me that all Chinese had 3 days to get out of here. I replied to him go off and not one of us was leaving. "
" Then he pointed that this whole city would be cleared of Chinese. I showed him that we are staying right here. "
" Yes, and than ???" ask the crowd. " I don't know." said Ah Pek. " He took out his lunch, I took out mine. "